Life in Biobaku 2

Are You A Bona fide?

Biobaku Hostel is one of the top hostels in University of Lagos, Akoka, Lagos. It is a community of the rich and the broke, the civil and the bad-mannered, the straight and the gay, the Christian and the Muslim and the atheist and the what-have-you-not, the light-fingered and the honest, the floaters and the hangers, the squatters and the ‘bona fides’ … 

‘Bona fides’… We, who paid N20, 500 for hostel accommodation …  It was just last month that we discovered that we are referred to, by the new porter, as ‘bona fides’. 

There are many ways to get kicked out of Biobaku. (1) house a squatter and you’re out  (2) sell in your rooms and you’re out … I’d love to give you the rules, but fact is we don’t obey any of them and we still sleep in our rooms each night. 

Last two weeks, I witnessed the first eviction of a squatter. Wale, squatter extraordinaire, poured water onto the quadrangle, on the new porter’s watch. Our new hostel official traced him back to our room and asked Wale, “Are you a bona fide?” Huh?! I did not get the question, at first. Wale, sharp guy, understood the question, but was so unlucky to give a negative answer. Our new porter, ‘in that case’, ordered him to pack and leave within 20 minutes. 

Wale packed and left. He returned to resume squatting after two weeks.

We can’t obey all the rules. Some are just impractical. But before you think of pouring water off your floor onto the quadrangle, before you think of plugging your laptop to a megaphone and making Biobaku groove to your beats, before you think of calling for repentance at 4 am in the morning, let me ask you this, “Are you a bona fide?”

Wake up, wake up! It’s time for morning devotion!

In Biobaku, many things can help wake you up in morning and most are like clockwork. You will find you don’t need your alarm just as long as you know the routine. 

You could give your alarm a break on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, relying, instead, on our Christian brothers who stand at the entrance of each floor, chanting, “Wake up, wake up! It’s time for morning devotion!”

Thanks to Ramadan, our Muslim brothers are woken up every day by 4.15 am for their food. You get my drift? You could give that mechanical alarm clock a break. We are all about the green movement, stick with the organic alarm, “Muslim brothers, please if you have your ticket, come down and collect your food!” Your tongue is not going to get watered, but you’ll certainly wake and keep awake with all that talk of food.

Let us take today, Friday, for example. Our Muslim brother’s ‘call to prayer’ woke me up at around 4.30 am. And, let me tell you, I did not find it funny, having been up all night.

Let me tell you, brother. If you want to read all night, do so at AKT. If you try it in Biobaku, you had better be a deep sleeper, because by 4 am, you will hear that otherwise useful call, ‘Wake up, wake up, it’s time for morning devotion!"

Udechukwu Nonso