UNILAG Hour of Laughter 3
Jokes to crack your ribs. Have fun!
What if Sept 11 was in Nigeria.....
A political aspirant was asked the question during one of those debates,
QUIZ: After the tragedy in New York and Washington September 11, the question arises:
WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF NIGERIA IS ATTACKED?
ANSWER:Well ... if that happens, there can be no comparison. That's because in Nigeria we are much better prepared for these kind of attacks, given the following reasons:
1. We do not construct exaggerated elevated buildings.
2. We all get on the job late in the morning, so at 8.45am there won't be sufficient people to kill.
3. Fire fighters and police officers will do their utmost not to get to the spot in time. They will reach there just when everything is over, so there will be no casualties among them.
4. The Nigeria airways would surely have fouled up the terrorists' plans by being delayed again, and of course losing the luggage - containing the bombs.
5. A Nigerian would not have used his cell phone to call home. He would've hit the terrorist with it over the head.
6. If a terrorist was living for one year in Nigeria (Oshodi), he would've been robbed and molested so many times he would've given up and gone back home long time ago.
7. In Nigeria the terrorists would not have gotten the flight manual, they would've had to pay for it.
8. In Nigeria juju would make all the passengers disappear before the thing hit Mushin or Ajegunle.
9. Osama would be so confused with who is really in power
You see...in Nigeria we are well prepared.
A FIRST- GRADE TEACHER
A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (aged 28) was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Boy what is your problem?”
Boy answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the Principal’s office.The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.
Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3×3?”
Boy: “9″
Principal: “What is 6×6?”
Boy: “36″
And so it went with every question the Principal thought a third-grade should know. The Principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, “I think this boy can go to the third-grade.”
Ms Neelam says to the Principal, “I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him?” The Principal and boy both agree.
Ms Neelam asks: “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy, after a moment: “Legs”!
Ms Neelam: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
Boy: “Pockets”!
Ms Neelam: “What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?”
Boy: Coconut
Ms Neelam: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?” The Principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?” The Principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer…
Boy: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: “Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?”
Boy: “Yep”
Ms Neelam: “You stick! Your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up.. I get wet before you do.”
Boy: “Tent”
Ms Neelam: “A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.”
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy: “Wedding Ring”
Ms Neelam: “I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.”
Boy: “Nose”
Ms Neelam: “I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.”
Boy: “Arrow”
Ms Neelam: “What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot of heat and excitement?”
Boy: “Firetruck”
Ms Neelam: “What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ & if u don’t get it u have to use your hand”
Boy: “Fork”
Ms Neelam: “What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?”
Boy: “SURNAME”
Ms Neelam: “What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?”
Boy: “HEART”
The Principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, “Send this Boy to University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!”
Jokes to crack your ribs. Have fun!
What if Sept 11 was in Nigeria.....
A political aspirant was asked the question during one of those debates,
QUIZ: After the tragedy in New York and Washington September 11, the question arises:
WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF NIGERIA IS ATTACKED?
ANSWER:Well ... if that happens, there can be no comparison. That's because in Nigeria we are much better prepared for these kind of attacks, given the following reasons:
1. We do not construct exaggerated elevated buildings.
2. We all get on the job late in the morning, so at 8.45am there won't be sufficient people to kill.
3. Fire fighters and police officers will do their utmost not to get to the spot in time. They will reach there just when everything is over, so there will be no casualties among them.
4. The Nigeria airways would surely have fouled up the terrorists' plans by being delayed again, and of course losing the luggage - containing the bombs.
5. A Nigerian would not have used his cell phone to call home. He would've hit the terrorist with it over the head.
6. If a terrorist was living for one year in Nigeria (Oshodi), he would've been robbed and molested so many times he would've given up and gone back home long time ago.
7. In Nigeria the terrorists would not have gotten the flight manual, they would've had to pay for it.
8. In Nigeria juju would make all the passengers disappear before the thing hit Mushin or Ajegunle.
9. Osama would be so confused with who is really in power
You see...in Nigeria we are well prepared.
A FIRST- GRADE TEACHER
A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (aged 28) was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Boy what is your problem?”
Boy answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!”
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy to the Principal’s office.The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.
Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: “What is 3×3?”
Boy: “9″
Principal: “What is 6×6?”
Boy: “36″
And so it went with every question the Principal thought a third-grade should know. The Principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, “I think this boy can go to the third-grade.”
Ms Neelam says to the Principal, “I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him?” The Principal and boy both agree.
Ms Neelam asks: “What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy, after a moment: “Legs”!
Ms Neelam: “What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?”
Boy: “Pockets”!
Ms Neelam: “What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?”
Boy: Coconut
Ms Neelam: “What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?” The Principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: “What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?” The Principal’s eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer…
Boy: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: “Now I will ask some “Who am I” sort of questions, okay?”
Boy: “Yep”
Ms Neelam: “You stick! Your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up.. I get wet before you do.”
Boy: “Tent”
Ms Neelam: “A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first.”
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy: “Wedding Ring”
Ms Neelam: “I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.”
Boy: “Nose”
Ms Neelam: “I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.”
Boy: “Arrow”
Ms Neelam: “What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot of heat and excitement?”
Boy: “Firetruck”
Ms Neelam: “What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ & if u don’t get it u have to use your hand”
Boy: “Fork”
Ms Neelam: “What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?”
Boy: “SURNAME”
Ms Neelam: “What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?”
Boy: “HEART”
The Principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, “Send this Boy to University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!”
Man, I'm feeling your 'UNILAG Hour of Laughter'. Keep it up, chike.
ReplyDeleteInteresting concept, really.
ReplyDelete